This article marks the first of many on a quest to delve into the dark ephemera of the sexual psyche where the sub-domme relationship is concerned. I want to know…Is there a heart to be found on the matter of what makes the mind tick in this realm? Have all those existing in the dark been born into it under duress? Has it been nature or nurture in our childhood? Or is intellect and a curious mind enough to submerse oneself into the complex sexual psychology of BDSM? I shall be embarking upon this journey to bring to you interviews from some of the most highly respected dominant minds over the globe, and interrogation material from anonymous subs and slaves on all matters of causality. How did we all end up here? This series: The Sovereignty Of Submission, will mostly look at the controversial subject of consent and responsibility of the submissive. Since the ‘Fifty’ franchise, I personally have seen an entire movement of submissive people with little or no personal responsibility towards their own safety physically and psychologically due to misguided ignorance which can and has lead to legal complications. This alongside the increasingly asphyxiating attention in mainstream media on sexual consent is making life for those with domination, kidnap and rape fantasies VERY difficult indeed. I cannot help but think; endangered are the days of intelligent consensual intuition. Take a situation in which someone feeling submissive urges may have been with a dominant energy. They may think “This person’s sexual energy is turning me on. I want to be dominated by them. I want them to put their hand around my throat. I want them to force themselves upon me. I want them to make me scream for mercy. I want to say no, and I want them to ignore it.” Could this still happen in an unsolicited way?
With the years of attention and care the community has put into the scene to ensure a safe and trusting environment, one would hope that a scene like this could play out…But let me ask this question to the dominant characters out there: Does the capricious nature of the public attitude towards the acceptable perimeters of consent in today’s society affect your play and practice? I’m not talking about professional exchanges where the safety of terms and conditions apply, I’m talking about our private lives when the mood takes us. Are we going to be in a situation where we need written consent just to cover ourselves and safeguard us in a court of law? I fucking hope not! Before I share the opinion of others on the scene, let me first share with you mine…
I am now at a stage where my probing questions upon first meeting a potential partner include deciphering personal sexual responsibility (safety first, kids). Fuck your age. Fuck where you live, or how old you are. Fuck what you do for a living. Those questions don’t provide any useful information on what makes a human operate as a multifaceted creature. I want to know what sets your mind ablaze. What keeps you awake at night. What your obsessions are. But most importantly…What’s your safe word? If I meet someone who doesn’t have one due to virginity on the scene, then I see it as my responsibility to give nurturing (not patronising) guidance. All communities can only be made better if we share the love, and the nuanced consent behind this verbal discussion doesn’t sterilise a play scene. On the other hand, if I meet someone who believes they have no need for a safe word, then I tear shreds and I walk away. This selfish display of ignorance jeopardises the safety and discretion for us all. I have seen people enjoy crying when their nipples are being penetrated by my needles because I understand their limits. If I don’t fully know my subject’s limits and they don’t either, then a night of pleasure and terror in a club environment could very well end up being an accusation the following day when sobriety and a changed mind kicks in. So here’s my message. To anyone submissive or anyone curious about playing a submissive, TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for your own safety, because nobody else will unless they know what it’s like to be in your skin with your limits. Outside of role-play scenarios, do not be a victim. Do not play a victim. Have some self respect. To anyone dominant or anyone curious about exploring your dominant side, COVER YOURSELF in asking the simple questions.
Someone Else’s Blood, Sweat and Tears,