What's the difference between BDSM and abuse?



Most people, no matter if they’re into traditional dating or if they’re trying to find love online, are open to certain kinks and fetishes. Back in the day, this type of behavior was considered wrong and disgraceful, but we now live in a modern society where it’s perfectly normal for people to express their sexuality.


One of the most popular fetishes is BDSM. There are many people out there who enjoy being tied up, dominant, and submissive. These particular role-playing games can be very fun, but they can also be dangerous, especially if sexual partners don’t know the difference between BDSM and abuse. Therefore, if you’re new to this type of sex, make sure to stick around and learn how to differentiate this fun fetish from sexual abuse.


Enjoying Consensual Kink


Like we already said, BDSM play implies a number of different kinks two people can enjoy in the bedroom. For two people to enjoy this type of sex, they need to find a “consensual kink”, something both of them are ready and willing to try out. Even though these kinks are usually very different from regular ex, if they’re consensual, they can be defined as regular or “vanilla” sex.


Finding a consensual kink is easy. Two people simply have to sit down and have a conversation about what turns them on and what makes them uncomfortable. The key is to set the rules and eliminate all things that may cause anyone to feel uncomfortable or abused.


BDSM Is About Safety, Consent, and Respect


When it comes to BDSM, the two most important things are consent and safety. We mentioned rules earlier and some of the crucial ones imply that a dominant person has to receive a verbal or written consent from a submissive individual before they engage in their role-playing. Also, submissive people have to be aware of what’s happening to them, which means drugs and alcohol should never be consumed before sex.

In order to enjoy a hot but safe BDSM adventure, both parties have to be familiar with the techniques and tools that are being used. This will minimize the risk of injuries, which will make the experience more enjoyable and comfortable.


When it comes to consent, it has to be mutual and, more importantly, it has to provide participants with a chance to change their minds, renegotiate certain rules, and stop

whenever they feel uncomfortable. The crucial part of every BDSM experience is, of course, the safe word. This word has to be established before sex begins and it’s the only way out for the submissive person. The dominant person must never ignore the safe word, which means they have to stop once the word is spoken.


When BDSM Becomes Abuse?


The answer to this question is very simple actually. Here is the list of situations in which BDSM becomes abusive behaviour:

  • Abuse is a violation of trust between an authority figure and the person in their care.

  • Abusive behavior is when a dominant ignores the safe word.

  • Abuse is when a dominant person shows a lack of respect towards the submissive person.

  • Any kind of behavior that hasn’t been agreed upon before sex is considered to be abusive.

  • Engaging in BDSM activities without a verbal or written consent from a submissive person is a form of sexual abuse.

There you go people, these are the main differences between abusive behavior and BDSM. Follow these rules and you’ll be able to enjoy a safe and pleasant BDSM experience.


By Coleen, BDSMcafe.com

Coleen is a writer, photographer and film maker at Wasteland and Sssh.com. She is also the editor for BDSMCafe.com and has written articles and educational features that date back to the early days of the internet in 1996 when the site was first launched.

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